A few weeks back, following a rare and intense storm, my 16-year-old son and I took out a ladder to clear one of the ditches at our home. Once the ladder was set up, my son, in a burst of courage—much to his mother’s chagrin—scurried around to remove clogs of leaves and debris, then quickly returned. The entire task took less than a minute.
The typical person would have thanked their child, helped clear the ladder, and moved on with the day. But that’s not me. Instead, I felt compelled to slowly climb up the ladder and check the ditch myself. Not out of distrust for my son’s efforts, but because at 51, I wanted to prove that I could still manage basic household tasks.
I believe this sense of compulsion is a crucial distinction between simply being a father and truly embodying the role. Children in America need both figures in their lives to grow up strong and healthy.
The Father as a Source of Order and Discipline
Traditionally, fathers symbolize authority and stability. Their efforts, whether at work or home, provide shelter, food, and clothing for the family. In return for their labor, they gain authority over their household. This dynamic is especially clear when a mother mentions a daunting phrase in regard to the children’s upbringing.
In some cultures, this authority has been taken to extremes. In ancient Rome, the Pater Familia—or Family Father—held absolute power over all family members under his care. He could even exercise the extreme measure of executing his own child if he believed that the child had tarnished his family name, much like Lucius Junius Brutus did with his two sons who conspired to restore the last king of Rome.
The Bible enhances the spiritual aspect of a father’s authority. In Luke 2:51, the 12-year-old Jesus, the embodiment of God, humbly submits to the authority of his earthly father, Joseph, setting a profound example for us. This is echoed in the fourth commandment.
A father ultimately embodies God’s authority on Earth. They teach their children while also confronting the evils present in the world, kneeling before their Heavenly Father.
Dad as a Teacher and a Friend
A father complements the authoritative role by also being a friend. While he oversees chores, he demonstrates how to perform them well and with joy. He brings food home but also teaches his kids how to cook the perfect burger and embraces the mystery of the “5-second rule.”
He is the dad who has his daughter braid his hair and, despite occasional failures, rides his evening bike to catch up with his son. The father who grew up with Pac-Man and Street Fighter II is unafraid to embarrass himself by playing modern video games with his kids.
When it comes to DIY projects, even if he learned something from YouTube just five minutes prior, the father will share his tools and knowledge. And when misfortune strikes—common in such projects—he’ll likely defuse the situation with a well-timed pun. (After all, they don’t call them “Dad jokes” for nothing!)
Children Need a Strong Combination of Dad and Father
America is currently facing repercussions from the lack of both fathers and dads, exacerbated by decades of damaging feminist rhetoric centered around “toxic masculinity.” However, the data is undeniable: there exists a close correlation between juvenile crime, child poverty, and the absence of authoritative father figures (particularly within the African-American community).
While quantifying the shortage of dads is challenging, the subtle dimensions of male parenting are critical to children’s health. It’s not an official diagnosis, but “daddy issues” are often cited as a significant factor in various psychological challenges, notably among young women.
As we examine male feminization (both of the father and dad), we can expect a continuation of the mental health crisis affecting future generations, particularly Gen Z. By restoring the authority of the father and combining it with a father’s love, sons can navigate this crisis, coming to understand true masculinity, while daughters will learn how they should be treated by men.
This Sunday, if you’re fortunate enough to have both a father and a dad, let him know how grateful you are. And if you’re struggling to balance the two roles—something I believe most of us do—consider taking steps to find that equilibrium.
Robert Busek is a father of six Catholic homeschoolers who has taught history and Western civilization for over 20 years in both traditional and online classrooms. His essays have also appeared in American conservative publications and for American audiences. The views expressed here are his own.
Source: thefederalist.com